shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
