I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
