I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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