Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
