It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
