took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
