Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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