I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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