I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
