On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
