i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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