i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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