he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
