Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
