Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
