My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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