Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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