I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How's work?
Spinning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
