At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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