I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
