Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
