have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
