So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
did i just pee glitter
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
