i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
