I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
