I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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