my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
