She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
