If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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