I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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