Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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