I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
