So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
