i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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