If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
