you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
