Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
