Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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