everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
