Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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