But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
