You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
