I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
