so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
