I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
