I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
