Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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