wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
