he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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