Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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